Dating Advice

How do I tell my kids that I want a relationship with someone new?

You may have got to a time in your life when the years have passed by and you have experienced life in all its stages - falling in love, building a relationship and a home, bringing up a family, possibly with Grandchildren now.

The advice on how to tell your family varies with different situations and ages of the children. It helps with a new relationship if you can get your family to support you.

Leaving your wife or husband. If you have left your husband/wife and circumstances were not amiable, then dealing with your kids emotions will be a struggle. It's best if you can demonstrate unity with the departing partner, in the sense that if your kids see that you are both trying to work together to reach an agreed resolution, then the kids will probably support it. Once one of you tries to take sides or "slags off" the other, then it will be harder to deal with. Agree to work together and show unity, to protect the kids.

Kids are very adaptable, especially young children. Regarding Teens and older kids, once they have experienced emotional feelings they may rebel and cause upset to stop one of you straying away from the family unit. When kids are grown up, over 25 or so, they will be more receptive to supporting a split, especially if they can sense that one, or both of you, will be happier. In all cases you must INCLUDE the kids - get their blessing, or as close to it as you can. Many kids will have picked up hints of aggravation, or disharmony and the declining relationship of their parents, so a split does not always come as the surprise you'd have expected.

After Divorce. If you divorced while there was no other third party person involved in the marriage breakdown, and now you have met someone you'll find that most kids will accept the new person. Problems could arise if you show disrespect for your kids other parent, so always remember - it's their Mother (or Father) and always will be. This new Woman (Man) will never replace their own parent.

After the Death of a Partner. It's best if you don't rush into a new relationship too soon, especially if some family members are still grieving. Even if you do decide to link up with someone else if your new relationship was "bubbling under" then do it in private and spare any anguish for the deceased partners offspring. Time is a healer, and 6 to 12 months is a good time to wait in most circumstances. Even then don't "play the field" and only reveal new partners who are potentially poised to be an important and long-standing partner.

Telling a younger child that you have met someone new. Don't introduce your children to everyone you date - do it only when someone really special and precious comes along. Be honest and open with your child. Don’t be afraid to tell them in a clear story how you met your new friend. Paint a nice romantic picture - you are teaching your child that romance is important and something to be treasured. Check your child’s feelings by asking how they feel about the fact you’ve met someone new. They will very likely be happy for you. Children basically want parents to be happy. They know that hugging and kissing is a nice thing. Reassure your kids that they will always be the most important people in your life. No matter who comes along.

Whatever the situation you should always consider what is best for others. Getting a new relationship can be a selfish thing (it's what you want, and you probably deserve it) but don't just think about yourself. Remember - for the sake of the kids.

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Important Note : Advice on OldFlirt is generalised and given in good faith. Advice may not be suitable for everyone or all situations. OldFlirt cannot be responsible for actions taken based on this advice. To help you make the right decision, please seek professional relationship advice.